The Rope Around Her Neck
Trigger Warning: Depression, Suicide
This short story was written about one of our girls at His House who lived to tell her story. All glory to the One who sees us, rescues us, and sustains us.
One evening in group, our resident courageously faced us and shared her story. Our jaws dropped as she boldly shared how her mother found her after she attempted to hang herself, and how God saved her. Bravely she told us how uncontrollable her life had become in her addiction. How she lost everything, including custody of her daughter. She thought her life was over and couldn’t see any other way, but suicide.
Thank you, Lord, that He rescued her story! Now she testifies to the battle that was won. How she cried out to Jesus during her suffering and earnestly sought Him to change her. Her story has many highs & lows, twists & turns, and this is just one instance of where God came in and rescued her heart and life. She knows that His promises are for the process and now understands that God’s perspective is to use every single second of her suffering for good.
“The Rope Around Her Neck”
It was always there. Maybe you got so used to seeing it that you didn’t pay attention to it anymore, but it was there- waiting. Hanging haphazardly off the corner of something, waiting patiently for the chance to slip around your neck. Some days it called to you louder than others… but it continued to call you, even on your good days. It ever-so-long-sufferingly waited for you to put it on.
And you did. You put it on. Possibly unknowingly at first, but it was there and purposely placed. No longer haphazardly hanging off the corner of a dusty piece of furniture but now strategically around your neck, slowly tightening.
It became a part of you as you hurried about with your day, your week, and your life… maybe less noticeable until the tightening. Feasibly not so uncomfortable at first because the tightening didn’t happen every day. But the deeper you got into darkness, the tighter it became. Until one day, you couldn’t breathe.
Struggling, flailing about, trying to breathe. You saw no other way. Thoughts began to flood your mind: there was no escape and there was no help. You could only see that surrendering to this rope, allowing it to complete its mission, was the way to find relief from the pain. The world you saw was black. Void of happiness or escape with no room to breathe.
Your thoughts led to actions that had consequences, forcing that rope tighter and tighter until there was no way out.
Barely able to push the chair to the center of the room, tears streamed down your face. Darkness surrounded you as you tied the rope to the only way out that you could see. At that moment, you didn’t want to feel it. No more pain, no more memories of the horrible.
Desperation called you friend and you just wanted to be free. All that was left to do was to jump off that chair. As fear gripped you, you closed your eyes, inhaled to hold your breath, and jumped.
Somewhere in the exhale, He appeared. He was there, real, felt, tangible. Just as He always was and always is. It wasn’t until you could no longer control or choose the outcome did He step in to catch you. He was waiting for your surrender. Waiting patiently for your heart. He loves your heart!
As He graciously cradled you in His arms, you regained consciousness. He gently wiped away your tears and whispered soft truth over you and into your being. That truth spoke of power. Strength began to rise over your limp frame. If only you would believe His truth about you and your circumstances, and what Jesus did for you! That truth spoke of a surrender to Him and His ways -for they are greater. It spoke of a cooperation and a force that brings life. Life with hope to restore us and set us free.
As you opened your eyes and exhaled a “yes” to Him, He slowly removed the rope from around your neck. He held you as the life began to come back into your body and spoke of commands to trust Him, the process, and the people that He will bring into your life.
Peace, unquestionable peace, rushed into you as you begin to awake and come alive. Then you noticed a familiar face in the room there to help you. You are alive and rescued! You couldn’t explain it, but you knew that you were going to be alright.
When you speak of this experience now, you give glory to the one who waited for you, met you at your darkest hour, and rescued you. Now- your life is different. It has meaning and purpose.
Now- that you are healed, you allow His love letter to you (His story) become your love letter to others (your story). This is what finally removes the ropes.
They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. Revelation 12:11
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